If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
two words: eviction party
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
