if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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