He managed to light the Jello on fire...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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