clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
