I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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