Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
