Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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