my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
