i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
