Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize