operation harelip BJ is a go
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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