just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
