he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
