That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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