Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
