I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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