You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
