So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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