barbara walters just said penis...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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