So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
