its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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