I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
