you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
