dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
