Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
