Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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