he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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