You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
