I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
