90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
