Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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