So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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