i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
