Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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