it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
