There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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