Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
