Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Your cock deserves a montage
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
