Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
