currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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