How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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