Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
