Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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