either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
