if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
