i think my mom watched the whole time
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
