We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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