why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
