I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
