pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
