school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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