meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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