My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize