Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
