a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
