i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
