I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
