a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
