I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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