the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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