Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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