Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize