that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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