guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
