I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
