I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
it glows. i had to have it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize