When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
