She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
