Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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