that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
