No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
