Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
